All these years, I’ve been working, but I never seem to stay long in one place.
The truth is, until today, I still struggle with pressure.
Ten Years, Many Roles, No Real Fit
I’ve been a quiet person since young, as I mentioned in my earlier posts. Sometimes, I wonder if this is the main reason why I can’t survive in most jobs. Almost every job requires interaction—talking, networking, building relationships. And for nearly ten years, I’ve been jumping from one corporate role to another, trying to fit in.
From admin to marketing, HR, operations, and sales. I’ve tried many paths. But there hasn’t been much success. Many introverts struggle at work not because they lack skill, but because most workplaces are built for extroverts.
The Real Problem — I Don’t Socialize Well
One big reason is this: I’m not able to socialize well.
I don’t socialize enough. I’m not good at small talk. And in corporate life, small talk is important especially when you need help from others. People bond over casual conversations, jokes, and random chats. I wrote about that specific struggle here — why small talk is so hard for introverts.
But for me, even this “simple” thing feels difficult.
I often have nothing to talk about. I’m more of a loner. Unless someone speaks to me first, I usually keep quiet. I don’t talk unnecessarily. Growing up, I was taught to keep my mouth shut, to not talk too much, to not cause trouble.
So I learned to stay silent.
And now, that silence seems to be working against me.
I feel like I’m in my last lap already. If this doesn’t work, I don’t even know what job can I do. I’m tired. Really tired.
Yet, I keep trying.
Not because I’m confident but because I’m unwilling to give up.
Even though many times, reality has proven that maybe… I’m just not suited for corporate life.
Tired, But Not Giving Up
Yesterday, I was criticized for being timid and quiet because I made a mistake.
I felt it was unfair.
In my heart, I kept asking:
What does being timid and quiet have to do with making a mistake?
I admit when I’m wrong. I’m willing to learn. But does being timid mean I deserve to be looked down on? Does it mean people can bully me?
Just because I don’t talk much doesn’t mean I have no thoughts.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care.
It doesn’t mean I’m weak.
Silence Is My Shield — But It Cuts Both Ways
I stay quiet because I don’t want to create conflict. Because I’m afraid of hurting others. Because I’ve learned that speaking up can sometimes bring trouble. If you recognise this pattern in yourself, shyness is not who you are — it is what you learned goes into where that silence comes from.
But sometimes, staying silent hurts too.
Still Searching. Still Trying.
Right now, I honestly don’t know what my next step is.
All I know is this:
I’m still searching.
Still trying.