#Childhood Archives - Inner Work Journal

Do I Have a Passion or just following Instructions?

What is my passion? I’ve been asking myself for years.

And till now, I still don’t know the answer.

Since I was young, I was taught to obey.

LISTEN. FOLLOW. DON’T ARGUE

So I did. Not because I wanted to.

But because I was very afraid.

very afraid of disappointing.

Very afraid of making them angry.

Very afraid of being “wrong.”

Sometimes, I felt like a puppet. Someone else holding the strings.

As I grew up, I didn’t become braver.

I just became quieter. I learned to hide my thoughts.

To accept their dreams as mine.

Now when people ask, “What do you love doing?”

I freeze. I realise I don’t know what I love.

But at least now, I’m asking.

And maybe… that’s the start.

The Day I Stopped Drawing.

When I was young, I loved to draw.

I would draw anything I could. But most of the time, it was cartoon character especially Pokémon. I remember sitting there with my notebook, copying different Pokémon from books and trying my best to make them look right.

Drawing was something I really enjoyed. It made me happy. It felt like it was my thing.

Then one day, during class, I was drawing as usual when a teacher saw my sketchbook. She took it away without saying much. Just like that, it was confiscated.

And I never got it back.

After that, something changed. I didn’t pick up a pencil to draw anymore. No one told me to stop. No one scolded me. But somehow, losing that book was enough to make me give up on something I loved.

Even now, I’m not sure why I never started again.

Sometimes I think about it and wonder what if that teacher hadn’t taken my book? Maybe I would have kept drawing. Maybe today I could proudly say that art is my hobby. Maybe it would still be part of my life.

This memory came back recently when I happened to watch The Joy of Painting by Bob Ross. Watching him paint so calmly and happily reminded me of the younger me, sitting there and drawing Pokémon in my notebook.

It made me realize something.

Maybe I didn’t lose my passion.

Maybe I just left it behind.