Taking Things in Stride, Really?
It’s not just that something went wrong. It’s that I am supposedly wrong.
That’s what criticism feels like. And no matter how much I tell myself I’m resilient, that I can take things in stride, the moment someone criticizes me, everything I’ve built falls apart.
When My Colleague Said It Out Loud
It wasn’t a shouting match. It wasn’t even an argument.
My colleague simply said it. That I seem so afraid of failure. That I hold back. That my quietness reads as hesitation, as someone who won’t take risks.
I didn’t respond. I never do. I kept quiet, nodded slightly, and moved on.
But that night, at 3am, I woke up suddenly. And there it was. Their words, sitting in the dark with me, refusing to leave.
I replayed it over and over. The tone. The exact words. What I should have said. What I wish I hadn’t done. Whether they were right. Whether I hated them for saying it. Whether I hated myself more for not responding.
Why Criticism Hits Differently
I make a mistake? I can handle that. I learn from it and move on.
But someone criticizes my character, who I am, how I show up, and suddenly I’m not resilient anymore.
I’m defensive. I’m questioning everything. Or I’m building walls so high that nothing can get through, not even the truth.
There’s something about criticism that slips past all our carefully built coping strategies. Other setbacks feel circumstantial. Bad luck, wrong timing, outside forces. But criticism feels personal.
It’s not just that something went wrong. It’s that I am supposedly wrong.
The Part That Stings Most
Here’s what I haven’t wanted to admit.
My colleague wasn’t being cruel. They were being honest.
I am afraid of failure. I do hold back. My quietness isn’t always calm. Sometimes it’s fear wearing the mask of composure. Sometimes staying silent isn’t wisdom. It’s self-protection.
And sitting with that truth at 3am is uncomfortable in a way that anger never is. Anger is easy. It gives you somewhere to point the pain.
But what do you do when the criticism is true?
This Is Where the Real Work Begins
Not when life is random and unfair. Not when things simply don’t go my way.
But when someone holds up a mirror and I don’t like what I see.
Can I pause before defending myself? Can I ask “Is there truth here?” before I ask “How dare they?” Can I sit with discomfort instead of running from it or hardening against it?
I’m not there yet.
But I’m starting to understand that taking things in stride isn’t about being unaffected. It’s about being affected, fully and honestly, and choosing growth anyway.
Even when it stings. Especially when it stings.